...and trolls

As a companion piece to my last blog I thought it pertinent to mention another species of review which gives cause for annoyance or amusement depending on whether you are on the receiving end.

With review sites like Goodreads and all retail sites having customer reviews which are open to anyone regardless of whether the purchase of said item can be verified, the way is clear for trolls to put the boot into any unsuspecting author they deem deserving. I call them trolls because personal attacks on an author can hardly be called reviews. These troll attacks can be the result of many things, but usually it's someone with a grudge for one reason or another.  I've seen spates of negative "reviews" appear after a forum debacle or after an author has received a bad press for whatever reason. Self publishing guru John Locke received a raft of these after the revelation that he had paid for some of his reader reviews. 

You can easily spot these in the one-star or two-star (if they're feeling generous) section. The giveaway is that they contain no specific details about the book, only vague criticisms of style/genre/cover art spiced with digs at the author. They often lead to bitter rows in the comments too which reinforce the vitriolic motive.

As well as these there also is a subset of trolls who fancy themselves as experts on a particular subject and make it their mission to nitpick every detail in a novel in order to write self-aggrandising reviews which are really nothing to do with the book at all but a means to show off their amazing prowess. Historical fiction is particularly prone to this kind of trolling.

These trolls are more interested in boosting their own self image than relaying useful information. Some barely mention the book, instead listing their own (dubious) qualifications. Sadly their lack of knowledge is even more apparent than the gaffes they are uncovering. Some have trouble stringing a coherent sentence together and it is hard to take someone's pompously proclaimed qualifications seriously when they can't even spell.

So there's much entertainment to be had from troll reviews. What do you do if you get one? Have a good laugh and ignore it. The one thing trolls love is to get attention - it's the reason they do it, after all. Don't feed them.

On Sock Puppets and Reviews

Everybody's doing it. Or so it would seem.

In case you haven't heard - in which case you should come out of that sensory deprivation chamber NOW and get with the programme - there's been a lot of rumpus this week about authors faking rave reviews by creating sock puppet accounts. Go and Google sock puppet if you want all the sordid details, I can't be bothered trawling through the multitude of news items. Not only that but SP guru and Kindle pin-up boy John Locke admitted he'd achieved his jaw dropping sales by paying for five star reviews. 

Well, I'm disillusioned. With each new revelation it seems the world of honest law-abiding authors and reviewers is nothing more than an illusion. And I can't help wondering how long this has been going on. Did the doyens of literature stoop to such disreputable tactics to launch their masterpieces?

Amazon review of:  Oliver Twist by Norbert Cheeseworthy

This is the best of books. It's not the worst of books. Were I a younger man I'd aspire to write such a tome myself.

Was this review helpful to you? YES/NO    78 out of 98 people found this review helpful. 

Amazon review of: Genesis by Old Testament Scribe

And lo! I looked upon the face of the book and saw that it was good. Certainly worthy of five stars.

Was this review helpful to you? YES/NO    8965 out of 98888 people found this review helpful

Amazon review of Emma by Regency Fop

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a discerning reader should shell out a good part of his fortune to gain possession of this book.

                                                      Was this review helpful to you? YES/NO   76 out of 82 people found this review helpful

More on Reviews

I've discovered a new pastime/hobby/source of entertainment.


Purely by accident I wandered into a page of one star Amazon reviews for, of all things, a Bic ballpoint pen.  You wouldn't have thought such a mundane item could be the inspiration for such hilarity, would you?  But it's a testament to how creative people can be.  


So it's set me off on a mission to find the most creative reviews.


Here's a great one on best selling Mum Porn, Fifty Shades of Grey.


Have you seen any brilliant reviews lately?  Please post your suggestions in the comments below.

Reviews and Author Feelings

Reviews have always caused angst.  A good review in the right place can propel a book/film/show into the stratosphere, and let's face it nobody likes a bad one however much they may claim to ignore them.


Time was when only professionals could review, but no longer.  With customer feedback on all retail sites and Goodreads, suddenly everyone's a critic.  And these days, with more people dipping a toe into self publishing, the question of eliciting good reviews raises its own ethical issues.


I recently encountered a situation where a SP author had entered into a reciprocal arrangement with another SP author to review each other's books.  A problem arose when, having read the book, she felt unable to give more than two stars as she could clearly see its faults.  "How do I review the book without hurting her feelings," she asked.


The trouble with this sort of arrangement is it can lead to a You Scratch My Back and I'll Scratch Yours scenario that devalues the whole reviewing process.  I've seen people say that they no longer trust Amazon five star reviews because of it, which is a shame because hearing others' opinions can be very useful, but only if the opinions are genuine.  


If you feel your hands are tied, because you naturally want the author to look favourably on your own book, there is no way you can give an honest review.  Even if you try to soften the criticism with blander statements, what use is that to potential readers who the review is for?  If you can't tell the truth, don't do it.


My friend decided not to review the book in the end, explaining her concerns to the author by email. I think this was the best course, and a lesson for the future to avoid such arrangements unless you have already read and enjoyed a book and could endorse it with total honesty. 


The best way to get a five star review is to write a five star book.  

More Internet Insanity

There's an old saying, "Nowt as queer as folk!" And if you hang around the internet for long enough you'll find it's no exaggeration.


This week I was tipped off on a writers' forum about a blog post where a self-published author had voiced some opinions on reviewing.  The forum post was clearly a call to arms because when I followed the link I found a dozen or more posts haranguing the poor woman for nothing worse than having an opinion.  How dare you, they cried as one, tell us how to voice our opinions.  Shame it never occurred to the nitwits they were doing the exact same thing.


Because we all have opinions and we all think we're right.  Maybe we are, maybe we aren't.  But unless we're putting a gun to someone's head and forcing them to do our will, where's the harm in it?  If you don't like a book or a blog or the colour of someone's hair, so what?  You're entitled to your opinion just as I'm entitled to ignore it.


The internet community is a funny place.  It is an unreal world peopled largely by creatures of our own imagining.  We put faces to these strangers based on the things they post - we begin to feel a connection or a revulsion depending on how well they match up to our own values, and it can feel oddly intimate considering it is nothing more than words over the ethernet.   For some individuals the internet should come with a health warning because that very anonymity brings out the worst in them.  I've blogged before about the groupthink effect on forums, but there are also trolls who no doubt see themselves as crusaders, ridding the internet of injustice, persecuting anyone whose ideas they dislike, stalking and spying in a way only previously found in Le Carre novels.  It's bizarre to the point of insane.  Isn't it enough for these people that they be allowed to voice their opinions?  Apparently not.  


I recently saw a discussion about whether Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler's infamous magnum opus, should be republished in Germany.   I hadn't realised it was banned there until now, but it doesn't surprise me.  We have come to think of Nazism and fascism as synonymous, thanks to several decades of hefty propaganda.  But the fact is fascism is all around us and always has been.  It's in you and me.  Yes it is.  Whenever you want to delete a comment or ban a poster who has said something you don't like, that's fascism in action.  It's a human disease - intolerance.  But really, there is no need to ban or edit or delete anyone.  


Because they're just opinions, people.  They can't hurt you. 

On Book Reviews

The Internet, God Bless It, has brought many things, one being the ability to thrust our half baked opinions onto an unsuspecting world.  I'm as guilty of this as anyone.  What is a blog if not an egofest?  


Everywhere you look people are voicing opinions.  Twitter, Facebook, that new one Google started - not to mention forums (don't get me onto them).  Everybody and his Auntie are telling you what they think of just about anything. 


Not that that's necessarily a bad thing.  If you buy a faulty kettle and you want to save others from annihilating themselves you are duty bound to post a warning in the customer feedback.  


But books are not appliances.  No one ever died from reading a book - well, maybe of boredom, but you can always bin the bloody thing before it gets to that stage.


So this is why I cannot understand the reasoning behind negative book reviews.  You didn't like it - so what?  I don't like lime marmalade but I wouldn't give it a bad review.  Why would you want to slash and burn someone else's work unless there was some darker motivation than warning off an unwary public?


When it comes to reviewing our peers we have an advantage over Joe Public.  We know just how hard it is to write a book.  All the endless revisions, all the subbing and rejections.  Contrary to popular belief it ain't a walk in the park, unless you're a celeb of course but that's a different argument.  Getting a book into print is hard, and whatever you think of the end product you should respect the achievement if nothing else.  And it's not just the author's work invested in a novel.  Editors, publishers, agents, beta readers, cover artists....  


Of course being versed in writerly skills ourselves we are more likely to spot the flaws and weaknesses. But that's another reason for keeping our opinions to ourselves. If you are a writer trying to get published you are in competition with other authors.  At least that's how it seems.  If I read a negative review written by another author I immediately think the worse of them and so will other readers.  You might think you're being clever and constructive but to the Rest of the World it looks like nobbling the competition.  


But what if you hide your identity?  True, that might shield you from the outrage of the majority, but don't think you can fool everyone.  What many reviewers fail to realise is their reviews, like all of their online posts, reveal just as much about themselves as their opinions.  And true anonymity is very hard to maintain.  


I've only ever given a handful of reviews on Amazon, and they've all been good ones. It's never occurred to me to give a negative review of a novel, mainly because if it was that bad I'd give up and bin it before reading enough to make an informed opinion. Novels, like all art forms, are subjective.  What I hate many others would love.  Chalk it up to experience and move on.  


It's just too easy to rubbish another novel and people know it.  What have you to gain?  OK, you get it off your chest, you get to show how clever you are that you spotted a couple of research bloopers or that you know what third person omniscient means.  But you lose far more.  You run the risk of looking like a bitchy competitor or a frustrated wannabe, especially if your own writerly skills aren't up to par.  You run the risk of alienating the very professionals who could one day help you up the ladder a step or two.


But what if you really really hate a book and feel compelled to say so?


Well, say it.  I'm all for free speech.  But before you do stop for a moment and ask yourself what good would come of it.  Your review will last forever, long after your annoyance or urge to show off are a distant memory.  What goes around tends to come around, and you might not like the consequences, whatever they may be.

Bad Reviews

Everyone gets them.  If you don't believe me, check out some Amazon customer reviews.  Can you believe that these pairs of reviews are for the same book?


I hated the story and mostly I really hated the characters. I wanted every one of them to die and wished they had done so sooner. And, honestly, I don't think it's very good writing. 

v.

This is an absolute masterpiece, and I feel confident in saying that it is the best book I have ever read. I'm stunned that the average rateing is not five stars. This book is an amazing work. 

I struggled with this book. I had expectations of the greatest novel ever written. What I got was a laboriously worded love story with shallow characters that tested my patience to the limit. 

v.

Anyone who believes in the power of Art, especially Literature, must buy and read this book. I promise it can change your life. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

 I am about a third of the way into it, and literally hundreds of characters have been introduced. NOT ONE of them has done anything interesting, so I am finding it nearly impossible to keep them straight. I am the type that will be more or less satisfied reading the back of a cereal box, but this is BAD. I mean bad. The mystery is dull. The who done it is more like a who cares. 

v.

This is a superb novel and impossible to put down. Utterly stunning. Probably the year's best book.

So what do we learn from this?  That people are different?  That books affect people in different ways?  That reviews are flawed?

Well yes.  But mainly we learn that relying on the praise of others is ultimately futile.  As writers we write for ourselves first and foremost.  Chasing popularity never works and as these reviews show it's an elusive prize.  If we write something we like and feel proud of, anyone else liking it is really just a bonus. 

Good Reviews

Just to balance out my last post, I've been thinking a lot about good reviews.

Of course we all want good reviews. To be read and appreciated, even to have our work loved and praised, is every writer's secret desire. But are good reviews any use to us?

I've been on writers' forums where mutual praise and backslapping reached the level of a circle jerk. I even once saw a newly published writer ask her online buddies to go and leave good reviews on Amazon to counter something nasty a beastly genuine reviewer had written. I don't think it's unusual, and glowing customer reviews need to be viewed with a degree of scepticism for that reason.

But even genuine good reviews harbour dangers for the writer. Any praise inflates our old enemy, the Ego. Give him enough of it and he's changed from your pugilistic ally into an overweening monster. Without criticism you can't grow and develop and improve. Your talent withers and calcifies. You lose inspiration and the drive to make a better job of it.

So praise, genuine or otherwise, can be toxic even if it is addictive. Accept it with care.

Bad Reviews

Why is peer review so popular? It's because we write to be read, of course. That's what we all crave, isn't it? Even a critical eye is better than no eye at all - although of course we'd all prefer the uncritical one.

But whenever we get a stinking review we can always comfort ourselves with the knowledge that the great and good have faced such humiliation before us. I like to read the one-star Amazon reviews of bestsellers to remind myself that no one, no matter how successful, is immune from criticism.

Here's a sample:

"Page after page of gibberish that makes no sense at all..." Blood Meridian, Cormac McCarthy.

".. a weak, pathetic imitation of literature that doesnt even deserve to be called a book." Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling.

"..upperclass British drivel" Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh

What a hoot!

So take heart, gentle writer. Next time someone trashes your magnum opus, remember everybody gets it in the neck sometimes.

Amazon Reviews

Like most people, I put a lot of business Amazon's way. One reason for this is their customer review system. On the face of it, it is a useful gauge as to how good a book is, particularly if it's a subject (non-fiction) or author (fiction) you haven't tried before. So up until recently I've relied on it a lot in making a decision about whether or not to buy.

Until recently when I came across a thread on a writers' site where a newly published author was complaining about a bad review she had received and urging members to go and vote the review as "unhelpful". Then it occurred to me, poor naive fool that I am, that anyone could solicit good reviews from friends and family - even themselves, if they faked their identity.

The idea shocks me, to be honest. Shouldn't your work stand or fall on its merits, rather than this dodgy networking? It debases the whole system and makes all the reviews - well, pretty useless, really, unless you know who gave it.

Of course, as an author I can sympathise with the idea of getting bad reviews. But I don't think getting your mates to vote for you ever made anyone a better writer. And I'll be taking all Amazon reviews with a much larger pinch of salt from now on.