Don't forget the title, nitwit

Ha! As if you didn't already know my blog has been nominated for an Over The Top Award - thanks Kate. Here are my answers to the probing and frankly impertinent questions:

Your Cell Phone? Steam driven Marconiphone, one of the first models ever made. It was formerly owned by Winston Churchill who used it to prop open the drinks cabinet at Number Ten.
Your Hair? Brown, straight and prone to Bad Hair Days.
Your Mother? A world renowned tap dancer who gave birth to me after spending a weekend of passion at Butlins in Filey with a male voice choir.
Your Father? The first man ever to swim up the north face of Everest.
Your Favorite Food? Kendleton's Original Tiger Dropping Crisps
Your Dream Last Night? I was bathing an orang utan in champagne when Dale Winton arrived and asked me to marry him. Funny thing was by lunchtime it had all come true.
Your Favorite Drink? Don't drink much apart from the occasional vat of wine.
Your Dream/Goal? To find spiritual enlightenment and the winning lottery numbers.
What Room Are You In? The lounge of my luxury yacht, moored outside Monte Carlo.
Your Hobby? Teaching penguins to fly.
Your Fear? Failure. And success.
Where Do You See Yourself In Six Years? Nowhere the rate my eyesight is failing.
Where Were You Last Night? In the Bricklayer's Arms. Happy Hour is six till eight.
Something That You Aren't? Aggressive, and I'll deck anyone who says I am.
Muffins? Chocolate chip.
Wish List Item? To start getting younger.
Where Did You Grow Up? In my parents' house.
Last Thing You Did? Eat my dinner.
What Are You Wearing? Diamond studded boob-tube and matching flared wellies.
Your TV? It has pined away from lack of use.
Your Pets? One incompetent but well-meaning dog.
Friends? In need? Indeed!
Your Life? Full of surprises.
Your Mood? Jocular.
Missing Someone? My toy boy.
Vehicle? Nissan Micra. Well somebody has to own one.
Something You Aren't Wearing? A crown. (It's at the cleaners)
Your Favorite Store? Ikea
Your Favorite Color? Clear
When Was The Last Time You Laughed? 1984
Last Time You Cried? 1985
Your Best Friend? The ball and chain.
One Place You Go To Over And Over Again? The bathroom.
Facebook? Obsessively.
Favorite Place To Eat? In my mouth.

And the nominees are:

Sophie Playle - lots of insider info about publishing
Welshcake - aspiring novelist
Wise Words - aspiring novelist
Tall Tales and Short Stories - great interviews with authors and agents
Lori Tiron-Pandit - writer's blog